Hopefully, Thursday’s will be my day for posting Open Pen Critiques, on days that I don’t have anything to critique, I will post a snippet of my own writing.
This is an excerpt from the second chapter of my novel Black & White. I hope you enjoy my first draft, unedited snippets. God bless, 🙂 (By the way, the above picture has nothing to do with my post, I just thought it was pretty).
Black & White Excerpt
It was starting to get dark as Alea hurried home to her suburb of Lexia. She was just beginning to wonder whether she should have taken a taxi–she never felt safe walking at night– when a cold wind unexpectedly rushed paster her. Alea’s hair stood on end and she shivered, glancing around the street shrouded in gather twilight.
A strange wind. She thought, wrapping her cardigan more securely around her. And odd for this time in February. Maybe I’m imagining things. She dismissed herself as crazy and kept walking.
Suddenly there was another cold rush, but this time she caught sight of a blue and silver streak out of the corner of her eye. She spun around to face an empty street. “What’s going on?” she hissed aloud, feeling fright creeping up on her.
“I’ll tell you what’s going on.”
The voice was deep and ringing, and again Alea spun around only to see a silver and blue streak flash past her.
“You need to stop meddling where you aren’t wanted.” Came the voice, again from behind her.
That voice is disguised, she realised, knotting her eyebrows together in puzzlement. But not by an ordinary voice disguiser. She turned again, this time slowly. There was no silver and blue streak, only a man standing illuminated in the weak orange light of a street lamp. At least, Alea assumed it was a man, but his face was concealed by a blue mask that hid the higher portion of his face. The rest of his body was hidden beneath a close-fitting blue and silver suit. A cold hand gripped Alea’s heart as she watched him.
“Who are you?” she asked, trying to keep her voice from shaking.
“That is none of your concern.” The silver and blue flash, and then the man was standing less than half a meter from her. “But if you need a name to call me by, you can call me Blue Lightning.”
“And what do you want with me?” Alea took a step back. The man in blue stepped forward, keeping the space between them equal.
“I don’t want anything with you. You aren’t important to me. But your brother is. Tell him to stay away from Dr Verne. Dr Verne is a dangerous man and he will only cause you both grief.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
A smile, and not a friendly smile, curved across the mouth of the costumed figure. “Because,” he whispered, his voice lowered to a hiss, “Because I am in need of Conlan Blake and my master will pay handsomely for his services. Tell Blake to stay away from Dr Verne and we all will be happy, won’t we?”
Alea shook her head frantically, this man is crazy. She turned to run, but the silver streak twisted around her and grabbed her by the arm. “Do we have a deal, Miss Blake?”
“No.” she managed to force out, even as the man’s fingernails bit into her skin. “I don’t know who you are and I don’t know what you want, but I’m not letting Conlan anywhere near the likes of you. Now, let me go or I’ll scream.”
Blue Lightning scanned her, as if trying to decide whether she was bluffing or serious. Finally, he let go of her. “Warn him, Miss Blake. And thank you for giving me that important piece of information—your brother’s name. Conlan Blake. Conlan Blake.” The man put his hand on her shoulder and she jerked away. “Don’t tell anyone of this meeting or I’ll be forced to pay you another visit. The next one much less pleasant.”
There was a rush of cold air and the blue and silver streak vanished, leaving Alea standing alone on the darkened street, still clutching Dr Verne’s papers to her chest.
Well, how did that go? What do you think of An Ordinary Pen so far?